I understand the need for online social networks. We live in a world larger than our egos, and understandably want to shrink it into manageable screens. And wouldn’t it just be lovely if our social lives were really servants of mice and keyboards?
But where does it end? Chatting with strangers? Sure, go ahead. Sharing a nude photo or two? If you must. Digitizing tuna sandwiches and emailing food? Yes please. I’ll even concede to electronic sparks of interest and seeds of love. [Future Karl: I did meet my wife online after all.]
But relationships are not meant to be conducted online.
My friend is typing out a heartbreak in the neighboring Messenger window. Her boyfriend of four years has just buggered off to Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan or whichever sufficiently distant and imaginary country louts run off to. He didn’t break up with her so much as ignore her for the last two weeks he was in the country – quite a feat considering they live together.
‘We stayed together online for a long time, but I felt something was wrong. And now I know it’s over, because he changed our relationship status on Facebook.’
Blink.
Men are dogs, the whole lot of us, but dogs or not we still have choices. We can choose honesty, simplicity, open relationships or sexless friendships. And of course, should we find ourselves at a point where we’re about to rip apart four years of someone’s life, we can choose to be upfront about it.
Granted that the immediate size of testicles is inversely proportional to the amount of honesty a situation requires, but where once upon a time you needed to flip your social life around to avid your ex, you now only have to switch your status to away.
‘He wouldn’t even answer me when I asked if it’s over; he just chatted with some chick overseas – and whatever I said he wouldn’t delete her!’
That’s hitman code if I’ve ever heard it; 14 grand or the pretty girl gets deleted… Where was I?
This chick had plastered herself all over his Facebook wall, commented on all his photographs and whispered sweet nothings to his inbox. She instant-messaged him, SMSed him and likely dreamed of the day they’d have sex over seven technologies – because that’s just awesome.
Combine the electronic guilt with the chance that he was likely short a chromosome or two to begin with, the boyfriend droned on about his dissatisfaction to a virtual lover and never gathered the courage to break it off with his own, and my friend was stuck between a cyber-chick and a drama queen.
She deleted her Facebook profile; let the healing begin.
And all we have to do is make sure that the next guy she dates hasn’t digitized his balls.
Written for Time Out Beirut
I'm Karl, and I'm an acquired taste.
I've been an editor for 4 years, a writer for 5 more, and a geek ever since I wrote Pong on my first Atari. I'm married to the perfect woman and we live in the desert. 
typo in the quote frame.
*comment to be deleted once irrelevant*
@Agénor
Merci mon ami. Heck no, I’m proud of my mistakes, and the friends that point them out
The world is becoming more digitized, as you have wisely pointed out, and communicating digitally is becoming easier than in person. But I would venture to guess that you have thrown in a personal fact or two yourself somewhere in your blog entries, that you would not otherwise reveal if you couldn’t ‘hide’ behind the shelter of the screen. At least, my blog is full of such occurrences. There are two sides to every coin.
You have opened up quite a HUGE topic here, the whole issue of technology. On the one hand it’s good, on the other, pitiful garbage. I for one think it’s incredibly sad that paper books are (slowly) becoming a thing of the past, with “digital readers” popping around everywhere. But I think mobile phones and email (or internet as a whole, for that matter) are God’s gifts to man!! I guess you can’t have your cake, and eat it too; it’s a shame, really!
@Inna
That’s just the thing about writing isn’t it? More revealing than a naked streak down a super-highway. All good fun though.
And that’s just the thing about rants. I love just kicking a subject in the head without having to analyze it too much. I don’t think books will die anytime soon though, not until the internet is truly global and highspeed; but the trend is certainly heading there. They’ll eventually find a medium that mimics paper enough to satisfy the bibliophiles and runs with enough power to keep the geeks happy.