Photo by Dave Wild
Some 2 million years ago (give or take ten minutes) in a somewhat cheerier cave in central Africa, an ancestor of ours paused in an unprecedented moment of consideration and regarded his prospective mate. He wondered how it must feel being constantly overshadowed, and given no freedom of choice worth mentioning. Given that choice, he wondered, would she stay with him? Would she bear his children? Was she happy to be alive?
He took a deep breath, uttered a unprecedented grunt of great appreciation, and clubbed her into a coma. Courtesy was born.
From the humble grunt, courtesy developed alongside society into a rich and diverse set of artistic tools that altogether formed the most effective social lubricant of their time. A man well-versed in the fine art of manners could turn frowns into smiles, acquire second helpings of tea and scones, pull rabbits out of sombreros and make even the most resilient of petticoats disappear.
But with courtesy comes honor and accountability, which combined incorrectly could spell trouble. And for every man that reforged his honor in the aftermath of a duel, a dozen embraced cowardice and politely inquired whether their assailant would really hit a man with glasses on.
One sunny Tuesday afternoon in 1920, a man with glasses involuntarily snickered as he watched his cowardice turn away another oppressor; and the spell was broken. As he picked his teeth up 45 minutes later he (now carefully) cursed beneath his breath, and wished terrible things upon his enemy, silently: a plague of locusts upon his corn, a hive of warts upon his wife. Rabies on his favorite rabbits. And so was born passive-aggressiveness.
And now every pissant with a penis uses it.
It is my firm belief that any choice can be broken down into a convenient Boolean: do, or don’t. I further submit that when you choose to do, you ought to do. Or don’t, you pissant. But dragging someone’s patience into a multiple choice scenario, making them watch your misshapen testicles spin a thousand what if’s only to vaguely hint at the remote possibility of the do, well that’s just peachy ain’t it?
‘So I’m your problem?’
‘I never said that.’
‘But you did hint that I could be the problem.’
‘That’s your take on it.’
‘And you did say that no one else is the problem.’
‘Perhaps.’
‘And you did hypothesize on the potential consequences of my being the problem, were I actually the problem.’
‘I might have.’
‘So I’m the problem?’
‘I never said that.’
Peachy.
You You You are getting married!! Mabrouk 
Agreed… you got a problem , act on it ,
Afraid? go hide in dark gloomy place somewhere … or if ur rich, go hide in a gloomy place somewhere and have a violinist play a sad tune for u
PS: I like peaches … they’re yummy
@JK
Wein harabit inta? Tu ne m’aimes plus? Tla3 online ta shoof.
hahah CAROL:P i said it b4 it’s hilarious the dark humor in it is catching!!
@Carol
Hey thanks Karl.
Well, even though I get your point, I have to argue with you on that (as usual). You want to oversimplify things – we all do, maybe – but unfortunately that’s just not how it works. In between black and white is a whole spectrum of colors, and sometimes the answer/choice isn’t just yes or no; it’s those two, plus everything in between. There’s always multiple choice! I think things would be extremely boring if that weren’t the case. Imagine, a world without color!!
Forgot to mention, though, I really like the historical intro.
@Inna
Merci
Sure, there’s a gray area in every choice, but I think it’s a temporary placeholder, a space where your mind lingers until you’ve made a decision. Once you’ve made your decision, patiently and intelligently, then stick with it. Middle ground doesn’t really exist, and neither can you if you insist to stand on it.
But yes, I love oversimplifying everything.