Club, loud music, smoke, not drunk enough… blackness.
Oh how I loathe emo poetry.
And as the guy in the gasmask – no really, he was wearing a gasmask – locked eyes with the distressed girl in black tatters sitting to my right, I could all but taste the dramatic prelude.
‘Why do you tarnish your beauty with such a sad face?’ (muffled)
‘What beauty? I’m easily the ugliest girl in the club.’
He was goth, she was emo.
Fuck my life.
They stared at each other for a long time, him through the mask and her through a wispy cloud of existential angst. She picked up her Bloody Mary and took a sip, and he watched as though an invisible rope linked his face to her chin, via a pulley situated somewhere around his testicles. Whatever magic they seemed to be sharing was lost on me, and I’d nearly succeeded in ignoring them when she licked the Bloody Mary and said: ‘Sometimes I like to pretend that this is real blood.’
My liver hugged my wallet and both silently wept at the amount of alcohol I’d need to get through the evening. His gasmask remained expressionless.
She pressed on: ‘Why do you hide your visage? Are you also ugly?’
He reached towards his mask and began sliding it down his, well, visage. It must have taken him all of 15 seconds in retrospect, but God it felt like a lifetime.
‘If you want to beat him up,’ whispered my friend, ‘count me in.’
The goth paused as he uncovered his eyes, presumably for effect, and I dug my nails into the table.
‘Hello,’ he finally said to her, ‘I am Neptune.’
[This space intentionally left blank.]
In a splatter of Shakespearean diarrhea and satanic quotes he explained that his face was reserved for those who could see into his inner beauty, something she was decidedly capable of. He further fathomed that they were meant for each other, two souls carved of the same holy cedar or some such shit, and that they owed it to mighty love, providence and the garbage pail generation to consummate their love as quickly as possible. In the bathroom.
Sweet, sweet angels in heaven, I truly hope they were roleplaying.
The day may come when the world becomes this ludicrous. The day may come when people can no longer communicate, and require smoke, Satanism and theatrics to comfortably say absolutely nothing to each other, and then fuck. But it is not today.
Today I learn how to build a flamethrower.
Written for Time Out Beirut
I'm Karl, and I'm an acquired taste.
I've been an editor for 4 years, a writer for 5 more, and a geek ever since I wrote Pong on my first Atari. I'm married to the perfect woman and we live in the desert. 
So we’re going to HAVE to go out to pubs now.
I love those “I am a serious (wo)man, seeking a serious (wo)man, but for one night only” live shows!
I give your couple a 7!
It totally beats my story from my classmate telling me she’s getting lucky this Friday because this “amazing guy, so honest and straight forward told her ‘I like sex and you’re hot’. So we’re hooking up this weekend!” *excited smile*
So she’s going to see him and hopefully, she said, you never know, she insisted, he might change his mind and really like her – (personality? I wondered) and they might fall in love.
I ached at her optimism.
She will update me with what happens through Facebook, she promised.
I give this couple a 2.
@Chirine
I hope that’s a 7 on the what-the-hell-was-that scale. But no, we don’t need to go out to behold such wonders, though it helps.
I eagerly await your friend’s updates. If she manages to steal love from the clutches of a penis, I’d like to be the first to write about it.
AHAHAHAHA!!!!! Duuuuude!! Karlooo!! That’s one hell of a masterpiece, at moments I would just burst out in uncotrollable laughters!! I love it!
I think your goth night has given me enough inspiration for three or four pieces. I might actually go out and buy a gasmask just to see what it feels like to be that guy for a day.
Would you think me hotter in a gasmask?
definitely
not that you need more hotness but hey! everything is cool for a change Mr. Karlhot!
p.s: really love that piece!
Just to sastify my curiosity, how many filters?
hehe!
You’d love Emoths! You see em walking around trying to be dark yet cute! You’d have a field day writing about them.
hahahahahahahaha
‘If you want to beat him up,’ whispered my friend, ‘count me in.’
Sweet cabbages in the sky I truly hope they were role playing.
I read it again, I can’t stop imagining karl telling the story out loud, and acting the scene in his own special way
I LOVE IT
It’s true that Lebanon has been opening up to different sorts of lifestyles lately. Unfortunately, some of those who feel that they have potential to be unique and creative, tend to lose that strength and submit to the cliché(s) of “conformist theatrical depression”. Which is their problem if you want my opinion, but the issue here is that some people without creativity and leadership skills are actually dedicating themselves and looking up to this lifestyle. Since it is so easy to achieve. And that goes for all sorts of stereotypes. sadly there is no efficient technics for wake up calls to apply on the masses. i must sadly agree on your choice purifying flames
I must sadly admit that
yeehaaa!! Manson, you just be gorgeous and let Karl do the writing 
!
@Agénor
It was a full-face air purifier with two filters. It was in Social Club. It was dark, decorated by Mia and DJed by Maxx. Hope this helps with the visualization.
@Tarek Farage
The idea of an emoth sends a chill down by spine, and makes me want to drink instantly.
Thanks for commenting old friend. Hope you’ll keep reading.
@IJ
Issan, about time you read my work. Di3an iyyem el bibroni.
@darkya
Eh I was about to mention the efficiency of the flamethrower until I read your closing line. I feel it’s a very elegant solution to the problem. But so far I’ve only found the plans for a homemade coil gun, still searching for a flamethrower.
a visual of a marshmallow gun flame thrower comes to mind. i think they’d both love to go out that way…in deliciously sweet fiery napalm.
http://www.seomoz.org/img/upload/gift-marshmallow-gun.jpg
+
http://www.setexasrecord.com/content/img/f211753/Bic.bmp
I for one find that Lebanon is just that with all its different lifestyles and attempts at being uncommon – expected.
Every being desperately trying to find a niche for themselves that others can relate to. But where on earth does someone come up with an act like that and pull it off? Poetry? Creativity? Smacks of senselessness and absurdity. The topic is as pointless as the act itself. People such as this trying to impersonate real artistry, they’re about as deep as a puddle. I had to read on through all the comments to verify that this story is actually true and in fact based on real events.
Where were the blood capsules for the chick to crack in her mouth and positively exclaim that she “loves the taste!” True story.
I hope in the future we will see more legitimate tortured souls able to express themselves in true, honest ways without the flashiness of hypocrisy and fiction.
A little less pain with a lot more humility in the narrating.
EPIC!!!
may i watch when the flame thrower becomes ready?
@celine
Celine you may have just stumbled upon the ultimate emo weapon of all time. I believe marshmallows are soluble in benzene, and the combination would make a fantastic napalm. I’m not sure how it’ll treat the tubes of my flamethrower once it’s operational, but with enough testing I’m sure I can pull it off. Also, I’m sure they’d love such a death and find it very artistic.
@Silver
It’s a fine line between artistry and absurdity. I try to understand sometimes; I say who am I to define art? But it seems the only applicable definition of art these days is ‘lack of rules’. That’s not good enough for me, I need to be convinced of a style and purpose, and a message. That’s why I’ve given up on trying to understand art altogether, and stick to ranting about it.
@Wadaa
You may watch, you may partake, and I’ll email you the schematics so we can double up on them. Triple if Jad wants in.
I’m in , send me blueprints…
and about the article, I got fed up with the gothic/emo scene in Lebanon.. I actually ranted about it once on my blog as well… bunch of wanna be’s and attention whores …
but i have to admit , i like his style … this guy going out believing Fallout is a prophecy…
so , Karl …. what’s the progress on that gun?
@JK
Fallout is a funny bone for me. Something about walking in that post-apocalyptic wasteland feels so right, and so homely. My Fallout 3 character kept her mask on at all times, even when she sprinted stark naked in the desert.
The gun is still in its early stages; I’ve found some promising blueprints. It’s actually creepy how easily accessible weapon-making texts are.
“In a diarrhoeic splatter of Shakespearean English and satanic verses he explained that his face was reserved for those who could see into his inner beauty, something she was decidedly capable of.”
…..
……..
am pretty sure his groin was the one who decided she was “worth” seeing his retarded face… of course only after the blessing of the sweet cabages in the sky!
@Karl
I only discovered this blog a few days ago, you will have to excuse me.
I’m loving it so far, I always thought you were one hell of a wordsmith!
@wadaa
I’ve always wanted to create a perfectly ridiculous religion. The cabbages seem like good contestants for deities.
@Tarek Farage
We aim to please.
Thank you sir
Karl made me do this. I love goth girls. That is all.
Karl, you had me on the floor with this one. I’ve added your feed to my new site under “Friendly Scribblers.” Keep writing!
Wasn’t I the guy that asked you if you wanna beat him up count me in?
Reminds me of a guy wearing stockings on his head in a concert, I made sure he is in the middle of an aggressive mosh pit.
@Matt
Thank you kindly mon ami, and I’m glad you like it; keep the feedback coming. Mabrouk on the new site, and thanks for the link.
@Trekman
No it was Kookie. He was pale and staring at the goth, then he looked at me with murderous eyes and offered to kill him. You offered to get that girl off me, I believe.
@Skullfucker
There will be pain princess; oh yes.
I have to disappoint you, and tell you that the world is this ludicrous, at least in Berlin. You’d be able to pick up months’ worth of material within a day here. Great place for inspiration! I love Berlin, but I’ve sent silent prayers of gratitude for coming here a married woman many a times. There isn’t even an attempt here to cover up promiscuity, or blood-loving vampirism, from men and women alike. Whatever floats your boat, I guess, just as long as they don’t float anything my way! Tolerance is key here.
Awesome piece – very entertaining!!
@Inna
Complete tolerance is counterproductive though, there have to be lines drawn all around it. Emo and goth are just funny, and if he sonnets (yes, I just verbed a sonnet) her to orgasm in the bathroom then good on them, but there are plenty of trends I’d like to quell with napalm; vampirism may be one of those, I’ve not decided.
I love it! Very well written and very funny. You got me laughing out loud many times.
I hope I wasn’t too much of a cliche as a young goth. hehe
@Joanna Steven
Nah, you were one of the smart ones. Doesn’t matter really, I was the cliche metalhead and I turned out fine *cough*
@Karl
Umm.. I used to receive emails informing me that replies and more comments were posted and I should go check’em out. Why me receive no longer such notifications???
The 7 is for a clap clap clap that was totally worth seeing and hearing and telling again – and look how many people are commenting with feedback!
I inquired on that Friday my classmate spent.
“So how was your weekend?”
“Alright. I worked”
“And Friday?”
” ? ”
“Your Friday night..?”
” okay..”
“yeah?”
“yeah”
“you won’t have other dates with him?”
“well, it’s not really a date. It’s a Booty Call”
“ah”
So the “maybe he will fall in love with me” has transformed into “I’ll call him when I need it”.
I guess she didn’t like HIS personality after all.
Hahah I can still see you writing down the ideas for this emo/goth love.
I LOve How it turned out Man, straight to the point and simply shocking in its simplicity.
@Chirine
Looking for love in booty calls… genius! It also gives me an idea for a series.
@Carol
You should seriously send me some of your stuff, maybe we can get a couple published?
Thanks for coming back