Photo by Jessica Higgins
I’ve always had my reservations about true love.
Much like faith, love is hailed as an intangible absolute we’re expected to strive for, and one we’re considered lucky to have. Mhmm.
For my part, I have a clear set of expectations from a potential love, and it is a very rare time in my life when I meet someone who can begin to live up to them. The handful of times it has happened, whatever merits they had were quickly overshadowed by rejection, stupidity, infidelity, or a random combination of bad habits. This has happened so consistently that I’ve grown to believe in the impossibility of compatibility; and judging from the number of single men and women around me, I’m not alone.
Well, come to China.
I’m not sure how I feel about mail-order brides, and up till recently I hadn’t been directly exposed to the concept. China however has an epidemic of single women who simply don’t want the local life, and consequently the local men. They’re ready, they’re online, and they’re looking for foreigners. It’s just weird.
‘I know what I have to offer, and I know I need more than what the average Chinese man can give me, so I put myself out there.’
Her name is Joy, and she’s the beautiful girl next door. The average Chinese girl finishes high school and starts husband-hunting, and that doesn’t surprise me. Someone with looks, smarts, a Master’s in Accounting and another degree in English, however, shouldn’t have to look online, should she?
‘Intelligence is not exactly a desirable trait here; they want different things.’
Joy’s online profile doesn’t reflect her at all, nor does it mention her own expectations. She wants a foreigner with a solid career, and in return she offers care, housekeeping and eternal love, as a commodity.
‘And you can just love someone?’ I asked. ‘Don’t you need to meet them? Know them better? Discover if you can live together?’
‘If he’s decent, we can live together. From my part I know exactly what a man needs, and I can keep him happy.’
Because we all need the same things, don’t we? Joy, and women like her, are trained in the art of satisfying a man, and I don’t mean sexually. Well, not just sexually. They’re taught to know when we mean what we say, and when it’s only hormone-induced. They’re taught to understand our desires, our expectations, our comfort zones… they have it down to a science.
‘My mother took me aside at some point, and gave me the talk. We chatted for several months, and the more men I met the more I saw that everything she said was true. Even you, right now, we’re just a couple of friends having a coffee right? But I know that my slightly open blouse pleases you, I know that my smile makes you feel important. I can tell what aspects of your personality give you pride, and I know to comment positively on them.’
She’s right too; I adored this girl from the moment I met her. I felt comfortable around her, as though I could talk to her about anything, and we’d only spoken a few times.
‘So it’s all fake?’
‘Not at all, when I see you happy around me I feel happy. Nothing fake about that, and nothing wrong either, right?’
Nothing wrong with it at all, they’ve taken the game out of the game. I wonder if I’ll ever look at love the same way again.
All Rights sold to Time Out Beirut
You You You are getting married!! Mabrouk 
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Hi Karl! There is a little typo here:
“…and the more men I met *then* more I saw that everything she said was true.”
Don’t you think that women in Lebanon are the same way, too? I think they are, they know exactly what men want, but many of them choose not to act this way, maybe because they don’t think men there deserve them.
Thank you kindly ma’am; corrected.
It’s different; they really have it down to a science here in China. Some of the things Joy’s been telling me keep me laughing for hours. ‘Never believe what men say before, during or after sex.’ Apparently, we make promises we have no intention on keeping during that time. ‘If your husband is angry, be there, but be quiet; he’ll need your contact but he’ll need to be alone.’ I’m trying to get her to write a rulebook