Chalk please!

‘I’m sorry sir, we don’t have any wipes; there’s Kleenex on the table right in front of you though.’

I know he was being helpful, but I’m neither blind nor stupid; nor am I so up there that regular Kleenex no longer met my normal wiping requirements. What bothered me the most though, is that I’d actually asked for wine, not wipes.

‘Well thanks anyway.’

‘Anything else I can get you?’

I was tempted, really.

It’s all too easy to get angry at waiters, and many of them will take it too. Waiting tables is a thankless, low-paying job that already places you at the bottom of the social chain. Yet for my money nothing makes my stay better than a genuinely friendly, well-mannered and efficient waiter; so when you meet one that is less than efficient, you take it, for the sake of the rest. Farah disagreed.

‘You should’ve told him off, you know; you let them get away with the little things and the overall quality of service decreases. Also, now I’m out one white wine; care to fix that?’

I know my friends, and this little one was more interested in picking a fight than in her wine, or the greater good and café’s overall quality of service. But one mishap does not a bad waiter make. Two mishaps? Maybe.

‘Hey, I’d like a white wine please, and a latte.’

‘Right away sir.’

And that was that; all it took was a bit of luck and a bit of patience. I’d managed to avoid ruining my evening by sacrificing 5 minutes of it to do the right thing. As he moved towards us a few minutes later, I got ready to turn to my coffee-date with a self-righteous smile and a prepared speech; very glad I didn’t.

‘Your order sir, one white wine.’

The tray was decidedly latte-free; maybe he had to go back for it? But no, he didn’t look like he was going anywhere, anytime soon.

‘You’re forgetting something though,’ I finally said.

‘Oh right, of course sir; here’s your lighter.’

Latte, lighter; yeah I got it. I didn’t much like it, but I got it: ‘I’d also like the check please.’

He laughed out loud: ‘That’s silly, what on earth do you need chalk for?’

I looked at Farah, and she instantly took over: ‘That’s wine not wipes, and latte not lighter. Why don’t you stop hitting that crack pipe, get your act together and come to work sober! Now, focus, and I’ll say this slowly: check please,and no chalk!