RedHobo.com RedLeb v2; the musings of a Lebanese hobo. Now in exciting seaweed flavor

Bio & resume

Art by Len "Jawbone" Peralta

Inverse-chronological confused resume; featuring Jonathan Coulton’s Code Monkey; a highly recommended accompaniment to this read. Download it for free here. Go on then.

2009 -
‘Code Monkey get up get coffee, code Monkey go to job. Code Monkey have boring meeting, with boring manager Rob.’

Currently globetrotting – it is all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve also been dubbed Karl Effendi, Editor at Large of Time Out Beirut. For those unfamiliar with journalism lingo, Editors at Large are writers the publication wants to keep on payroll (typically because they’re rather good) but whose social skills and drinking habits make them unsuitable for office environments and most civilized gatherings. Bottom line, they pay me to stay away, and write whatever I want. Go go gadget antisocialism!

2008 - 2009
‘Rob say Code Monkey very diligent, but his output stink. His code not functional or elegant, what do Code Monkey think?’

But it wasn’t always Jack and roses; I was the Managing Editor of Time Out Beirut for about a year; and for most of that year, I was the only editor in the magazine. This was the most difficult, most rewarding job I’d ever taken. Tiny team, tight budgets, tighter deadlines and advertisers with a taste for our blood had me sleeping in the office so often that I forgot what my bed felt like. I didn’t get the sofa either, the designer consistently beat me to it. But I can put together an entire magazine in two weeks flat.

‘Code Monkey think maybe manager want to write goddamn login page himself. Code Monkey not say it out loud, code Monkey not crazy just proud.’

2007 - 2008
‘Code Monkey hang around at front desk, tell you sweater look nice. Code Monkey offer buy you soda, bring you cup, bring you ice.’

A different pace, well, no pace actually. I worked in an event management company for a couple of years. I jumped between half a dozen departments and managed to learn absolutely zilch; but there was plenty of incompetence around so I did improve my patience, leadership skills, patience, alcohol tolerance, and patience.

‘You say no thank you for the soda cause soda make you fat. Anyway you busy with the telephone, no time for chat.’

2005 - 2007
‘Code Monkey have long walk back to cubicle, he sit down pretend to work. Code Monkey not thinking so straight, code Monkey not feeling so great.’

Before that I was a freelancer, which in this particular case is not code for unemployed, it’s code for the salaries in Lebanon were so low, that I made a much better living designing four or five websites a year and blowing the rest of my time on pubs and online games. Oh right, there once was a programmer who lived in my shoe, but I kicked him out.

I also managed to grab an English Lit degree in my spare time. (This line intentionally left corny, Ducky.)

2003 - 2005
‘Code Monkey have every reason to get out this place. Code Monkey just keep on working to see your soft pretty face.’

Here I was a code-monkey for a small web development company in Beirut. A code-monkey is a software engineer who writes code so impossibly mundane, that any bright primate with basic IT training could pull the same weight. I was sure I did not want to be a programmer by this time.

‘Much rather wake up eat a coffee cake, take bath, take nap. This job fulfilling in creative way
such a load of crap.’

2001 - 2003
‘Code Monkey think someday he have everything even pretty girl like you. Code Monkey just waiting for now, Code Monkey say someday, somehow.’

I worked in a large holding company in Saudi Arabia, as a web developer. I learned a few new programming languages (that I didn’t master till much later), a new dialect of Arabic, and that I’d rather become a burning carrion in the hot, hot desert sand than become a programmer.

‘Code Monkey like Fritos, code Monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew. Code Monkey very simple man, with big warm fuzzy secret heart. Code Monkey like you. Code Monkey like you.’

Oh right, the Bio.

Umm, I was born on Sunday April 13, 1980. I, err, enjoy digital photography, online gaming, uncomfortable probing and long walks on the beach. No, not really; I hate the beach.

Oh just read the About Me page, would ya?