So, three fat women walk into a government office; did that sound like the front end of a bad joke? Let me try again. One tired, miserable writer walks into a government office after two weeks of incompetent officials and hot, hot Beirut sun; how difficult could it be to renew your girlfriend’s visa, right? [...]

My name is Karl, and there’s no music in my head. I realize it may not seem like a problem, but see that tune you were humming in the bathroom this morning? Remember that song you drove home singing last night? Yeah, I have none of that. The best writers, I hear, write effortlessly; as [...]

Summertime, and the living is, well, strange. Beirut goes through a cotton shortage in the summer, and our poor, underprivileged women have to walk the street with hardly a scrap of clothing to cover their, um, honor. Fret not ladies, for every one of your exposed strolls I guarantee there are half a dozen warm-blooded [...]

One of our most fascinating skills as a people, is the ability to delegate responsibility. I suppose we’re actually justified every so often; the power failures are the government’s problem, the patchwork roads entirely fault of the municipalities – certainly not our problem.

And trash on the road, for instance, is definitely somebody else’s problem.

‘I’m sorry sir, we don’t have any wipes; there’s Kleenex on the table right in front of you though.’ I know he was being helpful, but I’m neither blind nor stupid; nor am I so up there that regular Kleenex no longer met my normal wiping requirements. What bothered me the most though, is that [...]

Tigers don’t care much for humor. To be fair, most animals can’t really laugh; but if tigers could let out the occasional chuckle, it would probably fall somewhere in between a hiccup and a dying gazelle. I make that kind of sound as well, mostly when flawless Chinese women ask if I’d like an escort [...]

Women scare me. Ask me anytime, and I’ll argue the merits of bachelorhood with the eloquence of Arabian philosophers and the conviction of pack-mules; any time, except around Valentine’s. And no, the Hallmark spirit doesn’t penetrate my quiet but callous façade and seep into my shrivelled heart, birthing an organ of hope and love – [...]